I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
