On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize