my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize