also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
