She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
