Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
