does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
