Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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