just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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