I wannas sexs uuuuu
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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