I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize