seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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