I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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