Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
