just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Randomize
