How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
