My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I think I sprained my soul last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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