I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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