Your tits are I can't wait for
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
