Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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