I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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