I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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