Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
