dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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