have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Bang-toberfest begins!!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
