no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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