Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
