btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize