Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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