My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Enjoy the penises
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
