Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
