party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize