"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
