I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
