So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
