Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
