Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
