He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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