I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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