Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
