If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
