You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
