Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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