i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
