Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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