I hate all girls vehemently.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize