$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
