If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize