Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
