that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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