Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
