Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
