I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
