man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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