I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
