I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
