if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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