I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
