So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
