Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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