did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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