Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize